Teary-Eyed Tuesday: Jack White is the Coolest Guy in the Universe
Today, my world weary cohorts, I present to you the story of Jack White.
Once upon a time in the far-off magical land of Detroit, there lived a man named Jack White. Jack was a rock and roll man, and made kick ass rock and roll music with his sister Meg (who is really his ex-wife, but we won't go there... it ruins the story after all). One day, a big important music industry type heard Jack and Meg play, and decided they should be able to take their kick ass rock and roll music to the world. So he gave them a big contract and lots of money and deals to make really trippy music videos, and they became famous.
Fame, of course, brings with it all sorts of attention, not the least of which from the fairer sex. Such was the case with Jack, who while working on a movie (yet another perk of fame) fell for an actress by the name of Renee Zellweger. So they dated for a while, and Detroit radio personalities took great joy in seeing movie stars bumming around at Kroger while they visited their boyfriends.
Alas, as young Jack himself once sang, "My left brain knows that all love is fleeting," and after a time, Jack and Renee split up. Now this in and of itself, as anyone can tell you, is a rough thing to go through. But worse yet, Renee goes off and gets married within months of their split. And not only does Renee get married, she marries a country singer, and not the good kind of country singer like Johnny Cash, but the bad kind, like... well, Kenny Chesney, which is who she married.
Jack, meanwhile, goes back to Detroit and makes an album with Meg, all in a few short weeks. Jack claims this new album, entitled Get Behind Me Satan, is about truth and the bible and all that jazz, but anyone who hears it knows what it really is... a big angry breakup letter to Renee. Not that this was a bad thing, mind you: Jack White writes a devastatingly good breakup letter, full of powerful angry words along with some kickass hooks, not to mention the marimbas. Unlike the emo boys, who cried their way through endless albums of bad diary entries, Jack gets all his rage out in a brisk 45 minutes, all amounting in one big cathartic "Good Riddance!"... and with marimbas, don't forget.
Sadly, we are not big famous rock and roll men like Jack White, and we can't make Grammy-winning CDs that double as breakup letters. But we can turn up the speakers as loud as they can go, pop in Jack's angry letter, and scream along with it. And that, friends, is a very good thing indeed.
The White Stripes- Blue Orchid
The White Stripes- Forever For Her (Is Over For Me)
Once upon a time in the far-off magical land of Detroit, there lived a man named Jack White. Jack was a rock and roll man, and made kick ass rock and roll music with his sister Meg (who is really his ex-wife, but we won't go there... it ruins the story after all). One day, a big important music industry type heard Jack and Meg play, and decided they should be able to take their kick ass rock and roll music to the world. So he gave them a big contract and lots of money and deals to make really trippy music videos, and they became famous.
Fame, of course, brings with it all sorts of attention, not the least of which from the fairer sex. Such was the case with Jack, who while working on a movie (yet another perk of fame) fell for an actress by the name of Renee Zellweger. So they dated for a while, and Detroit radio personalities took great joy in seeing movie stars bumming around at Kroger while they visited their boyfriends.
Alas, as young Jack himself once sang, "My left brain knows that all love is fleeting," and after a time, Jack and Renee split up. Now this in and of itself, as anyone can tell you, is a rough thing to go through. But worse yet, Renee goes off and gets married within months of their split. And not only does Renee get married, she marries a country singer, and not the good kind of country singer like Johnny Cash, but the bad kind, like... well, Kenny Chesney, which is who she married.
Jack, meanwhile, goes back to Detroit and makes an album with Meg, all in a few short weeks. Jack claims this new album, entitled Get Behind Me Satan, is about truth and the bible and all that jazz, but anyone who hears it knows what it really is... a big angry breakup letter to Renee. Not that this was a bad thing, mind you: Jack White writes a devastatingly good breakup letter, full of powerful angry words along with some kickass hooks, not to mention the marimbas. Unlike the emo boys, who cried their way through endless albums of bad diary entries, Jack gets all his rage out in a brisk 45 minutes, all amounting in one big cathartic "Good Riddance!"... and with marimbas, don't forget.
Sadly, we are not big famous rock and roll men like Jack White, and we can't make Grammy-winning CDs that double as breakup letters. But we can turn up the speakers as loud as they can go, pop in Jack's angry letter, and scream along with it. And that, friends, is a very good thing indeed.
The White Stripes- Blue Orchid
The White Stripes- Forever For Her (Is Over For Me)
posted by Jeff Lakin at 12:18 AM
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